If your child has been diagnosed with ‘behavioural problems’ choose their secondary school carefully, warns Rebecca Harvey.

Exclusion from school is something every parent dreads. Hearing the words, “We would like you to remove your son at the end of this term”, was certainly one of the worst moments of my life.
Dan was starting his second year at an exclusive independent boys’ school and had behavioural problems. In fact, he had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) although this had not been formally diagnosed at the time. We knew all along that there was more to his behaviour than simply being “bad”. The school chose to ignore this. They were, in my opinion, prepared to let him destroy himself simply to protect their position in the league tables.

With the independent schools’ open-day season now under way, I would advise the parents of prospective pupils who fall into the same category as my son, or who have already been diagnosed with ADHD, to choose carefully. As we were to discover, the consequences of not doing so can be damaging for both the child and their family.
ADHD is a recognised medical condition affecting up to 5 per cent of all school-age children, with more boys affected than girls. Scientists believe that it is caused by an imbalance in brain neurotransmitters – chemicals that allow the cells of the central nervous system to communicate – and those afflicted find it hard to concentrate, stay still for long, or restrain their impulses. Recent research showing, for the first time, direct evidence of a genetic link, is helping to disprove assumptions that this condition is merely “naughtiness”.
Dan had sailed through his entrance exam and the interview, and arrived at the school in September 2007. We were proud and excited, thinking a big sporty school perfect for him. There had been some behavioural problems at his state-funded primary school – he could be over-boisterous and sometimes aggressive in the playground – but there was no question about his intellectual ability. He was also an exceptional athlete, and soon in the rugby first team at his new school.
His half-term reports were worrying, however. While some teachers clearly enjoyed teaching Dan, others complained about his behaviour. He would call out impulsively during lessons and fidget in class. His homework was often incomplete and messy. In spite of this, he did well in tests and had a wide group of friends.
He was difficult at home, too: he couldn’t settle to homework and had trouble getting to sleep. Yet there was no deliberate mischief in Dan’s activities; he often apologised for letting us down.
A few weeks into the start of Dan’s second year, we were called to a meeting with the deputy head, shortly after our son had been given a one-day suspension for fighting with another boy. I said that my husband and I were convinced that there were underlying reasons for his behaviour, and the deputy head promised to recommend an educational psychologist who could see Dan.
By now, we were wondering if ADHD could be causing Dan’s problems. I wrote a letter to the deputy head the following day, asking for details of the psychologist. A reply never came. When I tried to follow this up, the head of year suggested Dan should visit the school’s counsellor. We agreed to this, though he had tried this previously at the school’s request but it had not helped. We trusted the school, believed it wanted to help our son, and felt we should co-operate.
From this point, things spiralled quickly downward. Dan’s meetings with the school counsellor had no impact. He had twice been suspended for fighting, which officially meant that he was on his last chance. Over the next few weeks, there were increasingly frequent small incidents: detentions for missed homework and minor complaints about his behaviour. Dan himself withdrew and appeared frightened. We could not get through to him.
Looking back, I feel this large, highly regarded school was surely well equipped to tell the difference between children who maliciously disrupt school life, and those, like Dan, who cannot help themselves. But the school was not prepared to recognise ADHD, even though it qualifies for Special Educational Needs (SEN), which its terms and conditions promise to provide for. Instead, the school let Dan down – badly: a talented, exuberant child on arrival in school, had become an unhappy, failing student.
We were invited to another meeting in early December 2008. “It’s nothing to worry about,” the head of year reassured me over the phone. Two days later, as we sat in his office, the deputy head asked us to remove Dan at the end of term. “If he does one more thing, I will expel him,” he threatened.
We took him out two days later, not daring to leave him there a moment longer. On his last day, he played in a rugby match, scored a try and the team won. It was expulsion, by another name. The boys in his year group launched a “Save Dan” campaign on Facebook; Dan himself kept apologising to us.
As soon as he left, we sought medical help. Within weeks, Dan was formally diagnosed with ADHD by a consultant paediatrician at our local hospital, and examined by a neurologist.
Contrary to recent media opinion, a child does not easily qualify for this diagnosis. Dan’s personal and medical history was meticulously investigated, and detailed questionnaires on all aspects of his behaviour completed by us and three teachers from the school. He ranked high on the scale, with eight out of nine behaviours classic in ADHD. He was assigned a specialist ADHD nurse and prescribed the drug, Ritalin, to help his concentration and control impulsivity. He has also had a course of therapy with a psychologist from our local authority’s Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service.
The school dismissed our appeal against Dan’s removal in January 2009, even though, by that stage, we had a preliminary diagnosis. We tried local state schools for Dan, but the good ones were full. Private specialist schools, mostly for boarders, were too expensive.
For a long time, Dan’s self-esteem was low, his bubbling confidence gone. It was distressing to see a child you love in such despair; by now, he had lost months at school, as well as more than a stone-and-a-half in weight. He looked gaunt and sad: it broke my heart. Finally, in September 2009, Dan obtained a place at a private school, with smaller classes and an SEN department with full-time staff. The school was well aware of his condition.
Nearly two years after being excluded, Dan’s behaviour is not perfect but it has greatly improved. He gets on well with the staff, and has learnt to trust them. His teachers take simple steps to help him, checking his notes taken in class and keeping in touch with us by email. I feel Dan is finally getting the education he deserves.
Many parents choosing a private school are reluctant to burden their child with a diagnosis of ADHD because of the stigma attached, but if the condition is identified and treated early, a child can be helped to achieve his or her potential. In the state sector, ADHD is recognised although getting the right help can be a slow process. Private schools, however, which deny its existence do untold damage to vulnerable youngsters.
All names have been changed

Dressing up to go trick or treating is very exciting for children and it creates lasting memories for both children and parents. Help children prepare for trick or treating with these five strategies.
1. Select a Costume – Help children select a costume that fits properly and is safe. Children may be uncomfortable with anything on their face especially make up. Some children may not like masks because of sensory issues or limited vision. Keep these factors in mind when selecting an outfit. For children who have difficulties with masks, holding a mask rather than wearing it or not using one at all may make the evening more enjoyable.
2. Set Costume Guidelines – Children often want to wear their costume other times than trick or treating. Let them know if/when they can wear it besides trick or treating. Be sure to tell them this before they buy the costume and after it is purchased. Explain why they can wear the costume only at certain times. For example, “You can put it on in the evening for a few minutes to see how you look, but you can only wear it for a little while so it doesn’t get dirty before Halloween.”
3. Practice Going to People’s Doors – Role play going to someone’s door, saying “Trick or treat,” holding a bag out, and saying “Thank you.” Remind children to be polite, wait their turn, and take only one piece of candy when they are asked to
select something. It is tempting to rush to a door and take a handful of things when offered a basket or bowl to select from so multiple opportunities for review are important. Be sure to practice other things that may happen such as someone not
being home or someone complimenting them on their costume.
4. Establish Guidelines in Advance – Prepare children for factors such as: What time trick or treating starts and ends; How they know when it ends; Where they can trick or treat (e.g. only houses with lights on, only people the child knows, only homes in a four street radius, etc.); and What the rules are such as staying with a sibling or parent. Be sure to review these guidelines days in advance with a story, visual cards, or written rules. Before trick or treating, review them again so children clearly understand expectations.
5. Set sweet Guidelines– Children become very excited about getting sweets and other treats while trick or treating. Set rules in advance about eating candy. Let children know before trick or treating that they need to bring all of the sweets back for you to check before they can eat it. Make sure children have dinner before trick or treating so they are not hungry. Have guidelines about the number of pieces they can eat per day and create a schedule for when they can eat their sweets.
Display the sweet plan where they can easily look if they have questions.

Recognizing your own feelings and identifying the feelings of others are foundation skills for developing more involved social skills such as learning to cope with feelings and responding appropriately to the feelings of others.
1. Provide Multiple Examples: Feelings can be difficult to teach because they are expressed in a variety of settings, have many synonyms, and involve understanding subtle clues. In order to teach identification of emotions, provide examples in different settings through stories, pictures, videos, reallife experiences, and role play.
2. Show Feelings are Important: Children need to understand that it is okay to talk about and express feelings. Demonstrate this by asking children how they feel, sharing your feelings, and discussing how you cope with your feelings and respond to the feelings of others.
3. Use Natural Opportunities: When reading, watching movies, or in real-world situations, look for opportunities to discuss feelings. If the child is upset, use this as an opportunity to teach appropriate responses and coping strategies. For example, “Josh, I know you are angry that you have to leave the playground. Take 3 deep breaths to calm your body then join the class in line.” If another child is upset demonstrate how to handle the situation. For example, “Alex is upset. Let’s see if we can help him.”
4. Set Time Aside to Practice: Just as math and reading require practice so do social skills. Take a few minutes during the day to work on social skills. Since children may be overwhelmed by feelings it is important to practice expressing and responding to feelings when they are calm.
Role Play: Below are a few games that include role play of emotions.
• Have children select a feelings word or emotions card and act out the feeling on the card.
• Have children select a feelings word or card and role play when they felt this way.
• Put children in pairs. Have one child pick a feeling and act it out. The other child responds to the first child’s feelings.
Discuss Feelings: Show children pictures or drawings of facial expressions or scenes demonstrating feelings. Ask the following questions:
• How does the character feel?
• How do you know how the character feels? For example, they are smiling/frowning.
• When have you felt this way?
• What would you do if a friend felt this way?
• What do you do when you feel this way?
Use Art and Literacy: The arts provide a different way to think about feelings. They allow children to see the details of specific emotions and experience the look and feel of the emotion through a different medium. Art activities include:
• Have children draw a facial expression or scene showing a feeling.
• Have children write a story about a time they felt a certain way and what they did about it.
• Create a feelings book. On each page have a drawing of a feeling and a short sentence, “I feel sad/happy/scared when….” Keep each child’s book in the literacy center.
• Focus on a feeling by having a book specifically about the feeling that includes when the child feels this way and what coping strategies to use for managing the emotion.

Conversational skills build a foundation for developing friendships, cooperating with other people, and communicating effectively with people in every aspect of life. Although the art of conversation is difficult to address, below are some strategies for teaching basic conversational skills.
1. Model Skills – Children learn from watching other people and then practicing skills. Role play is a fun and extremely effective way to teach skills because it lets children learn from examples. During role play model an appropriate greeting or conversation. Let children see how questions are asked and answered and how people remain on topic. Keep the ‘skits’ short and simple at first to establish the basic skills then expand on them later.
2. Practice Small Steps – Just like any other skill, social skills need to be broken into smaller steps and practiced repeatedly. Role play greetings by teaching the child to say, “Hello” and then expand to, “Hello, how are you?”
3. Multiple Phrases, Settings, and People – Conversational skills should be developed with a variety of people, phrases, and novel settings. To promote generalization of skills, introduce different questions and wording when role playing such as: “Good morning,” “Hello,” and “Hi there!” By doing this, children learn there are various greetings and responses. Since conversations occur throughout the day with
different people, recruit people in the school or community to help the child practice. Ask the crossing guard or librarian to engage the child in a conversation that incorporates the skills being practiced.
4. Remember Body Language – When practicing conversational skills, be sure to include key skills such as personal space (approximately an arm’s length is considered appropriate in the United States), body language, and facial cues. These unspoken aspects of conversation are often extremely difficult for children to grasp and should be included in role play and instruction.
5. Ways to Reduce Repetition – Children frequently learn saying hello or asking someone their name is part of a conversation, so they may repeatedly incorporate these phrases in the same conversation. One way to practice saying something only once is to hold up a finger as a visual cue during role play. For example, if there is a question or phrase that should only be used once, hold up a finger during
conversational practice time. After the child asks the question put your finger down. This is a cue that the child already has asked the question. After the child has used this cue successfully a number of times, practice without the visual cue and then praise them for remembering to ask the question only once.
Another strategy is to have the child keep a hand (preferably the left hand if you are teaching them to shake hands) in their pocket with one finger pointed. After they ask their favorite question, have them stop pointing or stop pointing and remove their hand from their pocket. This allows the child to remind themselves they used this phrase or question and other people are not able to see this personal cue.
6. Praise and Review – Praise children for greeting people, using a phrase once, or ending a conversation appropriately. Often it is best to praise children during role play or after the child is away from other people to avoid embarrassing them. To reinforce the skill, be sure to review what they did correctly. For example, “I like the way you asked Mr. James if he was having a nice day only once.” If a novel situation occurs naturally, role play it later and use it as a learning experience.

Teaching Children to Understand and Respond to Feelings
Children often struggle not only with understanding their feelings, but also relating
to other people’s feelings. These skills are critical for personal well being and building relationships. This article includes steps for teaching children to understand and manage their feelings as well as identify and respond to other people’s feelings.
1. Identifying Feelings – Teach children to recognize when they have a specific feeling. Whether happy, sad, or angry the first step in coping with a feeling is identifying it. Help children identify feelings by discussing emotions when they
occur. If a child is angry say, “I see you are angry. You have your arms crossed and are stomping your feet.” Another tool is to role play times when specific emotions surface. Use novel examples as well as recent experiences for the child. Discuss and write about different feelings in a feelings journal. Use the journal to write about events and the emotions, responses, and consequences the events elicited.
2. Planning for Strong Feelings – Help children cope with intense feelings by creating coping strategies. Have a quiet place for children to take a break when angry or sad. Give children tools and teach them how and when to use them such as a stress ball or a trampoline. These tools help children release energy in a positive way. Encourage children to use words or write about their feelings. Establish a phrase the child can use to remove themselves from stressful or upsetting situations. The phrase gives children a way to politely excuse themselves, regain control, and then return to the situation. Select a short phrase that can be used in a variety of
situations such as, “Excuse me. I need a minute to think.”
3. Recognizing Other People’s Feelings – Learning to empathize with other people and respond appropriately to another person’s feelings, is an important skill for building relationships. Show pictures and drawings or role play situations to discuss the words, body language, and experiences that indicate a person’s feelings. When discussing a child’s own feelings, incorporate the concept that peers and adults have similar feelings in the same situation. This helps children develop empathy. Read stories where characters experience events that are happy, sad, surprising, or frustrating. Discuss why the characters felt the way they did and what they said or did to indicate their feelings.
4. Responding to Other People’s Feelings – Not only do children have to identify other people’s feelings, but they also need to learn how to respond when someone is angry, sad, or excited. Teach children appropriate responses through role play and reviewing past events. Discuss how different people in the role play feel, how their body language and words show their feelings, and the best response for the situation. Also discuss how the child would feel if this happened to them and how they would like other people to respond. This helps children learn to empathize with other people.

The start of the school year is an exciting time but the transition back to school can be stressful for many children. Help children prepare for the new school year with these helpful strategies.
1. Review Skills and Goals – Review school reports and goals and document progress towards goals. If teachers and therapists provided activities or ideas to address skills, take the time to focus on these prior to school starting. Even small reminders about skills can help prepare children for addressing these in the classroom.
2. Take Advantage of Natural Learning Opportunities – Use natural opportunities to address a wide range of skills such as asking a child to help count silverware while setting the table (counting skills) or asking them to read directions while cooking (reading skills). By keeping a child’s goals top of mind, natural learning opportunities can be easily identified.
3. Use a Calendar for Visual Reminders – Many children benefit from visuals. Mark important events leading up to the start of school on the calendar. Examples of activities to put on the calendar are the first day of school, shopping for school clothes, and buying school materials. Discuss how many days are left until each event and have children participate in planning by helping write shopping lists and decide where to shop.
4. Return to a Schedule – Summer breaks often are not very structured. Start getting back into a routine so children are more prepared for the school year schedule. Sleeping, eating, brushing teeth, bathing, and bedtime rituals are examples of activities typically scheduled at set times in a child’s routine. Work on a
consistent schedule to help transition back to school.
5. Use Art and Literature – Have children draw, make collages, or
paint things they remember about the previous school year. Have
them write about or discuss what things they like about school and
what they are looking forward to in the new school year. Use these
memories as visuals to discuss returning to school.
6. Play with Friends from School – Some children regularly see classmates over the summer while others only see school friends during the school year. Schedule play dates or host a classroom party to help children become re-acquainted with each other.
7. Enjoy the Rest of the Break – Although planning for the school year is important, make the most of the last few days of summer. Create lasting memories by going on picnics, attending community events, and taking advantage of extra family time. Take pictures to remind children of summer experiences and create a ‘Summer Memory’ book to encourage communication and language. This is a perfect item for show and tell at the start of the school year.

Summer is a much needed break for many children and families. Make the most of summer by helping children have fun while learning new things. The ideas below are for children of all ages and include suggestions for both the home and the community.
1. Enjoy the Weather – Many communities have swimming lessons, group sports, or one-day neighborhood events. Encourage children to participate in these activities so they make new friends, learn new sports, and stay healthy. If children are ambivalent about trying something new, let them join with a friend. Children may be more interested in an activity if one of their friends is on their team or in their swimming group.
Doing outdoor activities is a great way to spend quality time with your children and show the importance of physical fitness. Make evening walks or bike rides part of your routine. Besides doing physical activities outdoors, learn to simply enjoy the nice weather by having picnics or sitting outside to read or have a snack.
2. Explore Creative Opportunities – There are many free websites with printable games, coloring pages, and ideas for simple art activities. These easy and free resources are fun for children. To locate activities, search the internet using keywords like ‘children’s art activities’ or ‘children and art’. Additionally, many art supply stores, arts centers, children’s museums, and home improvement stores offer free or low-cost one day clinics. The classes usually appeal to children of a wide age range and are offered on a regular basis. Don’t forget to check activities in your community center. Many community centers offer singing, acting, or music classes to help children of all ages explore their creative side.
3. Invite Friends to Play – Plan play dates for children. Besides having fun while playing, children develop important social skills by spending time together. When planning a play date, have a variety of fun games and activities handy to encourage children to interact instead of watching television. Rain or very hot weather can prevent children from playing outside so be sure to have board games, cards, and other indoor activities handy in case they can not go outside. Simple games are not only fun for children, but they teach important skills such as turn taking, sharing, problem solving, and conflict resolution.
4. Complete Projects Together – Projects such as planting a garden, planning a summer party, or researching ideas for the family vacation are exciting summer activities. Include children in your projects to teach them time management, responsibility, and life skills. If you are planting a garden, children can learn about plants, water them regularly, and pick fruits and vegetables. If you are planning a party, kids can help make invitations, plan the menu, or prepare the food. If you are planning a family vacation, show children guide books and maps and let them help plan different events for the vacation. Children like to spend time with adults and work with them on projects. These activities will engage children and teach them valuable skills while giving you a little extra help.
5. Read More – Encourage reading for enjoyment by including reading activities in your routine. Local libraries often have story time for preschoolers and a variety of other learning activities for elementary aged children. If your local library does not have these programs, have fun at the library by browsing and checking out books with your children. Also, check your local book stores for children’s program. They
frequently have similar story times and fun programs.

Children often have a hard time retaining skills during the summer break. Many parents enroll children in summer school or extended school year, but this often is an abbreviated and less structured version of the school day. Even when children are educated at home, summer often involves routine changes. Since many children rely on consistent instruction, these changes can result in regression. This article includes strategies for preventing regression and teaching new skills.
1. Know What Skills to Work On – To prevent regression know what skills your child is working on and their current functioning level. Be sure to review their school progress reports, IEP (if applicable), and information from their teacher on summer reading and work. For children working on self-care, independence, or behavior skills, take data on their current progress. Be sure to ask their teachers and
therapists what skills they are working on and exactly where they stand.
2. Find Opportunities to Practice Skills – Many skills can be integrated into a daily routine. Dressing, self-care, and behavior naturally occur during the day. Take time to use these natural occurrences as learning opportunities. For example, help your child as needed to put on their shoes rather than doing it for them. It may take longer for them to do the skill on their own, but it teaches them the steps they need to be more independent. Academic skills also can be integrated into a daily routine. Have children help with any math related problems and involve them in reading. For
example, if you have a family picnic and 4 cousins, 3 aunts, 3 uncles, and 2 grandparents will be there, have your child help you count the number of cupcakes you need to bring. If you are baking the cupcakes, work on literacy skills by having your child read the recipe to you. Counting and fractions can be developed by gathering and measuring the ingredients. Children can work on motor skills by cutting butter, stirring ingredients, and pouring the batter into the tin. For children who need direct instruction, schedule a time during the day specifically to work on skills.
3. Build on Existing Skills – When children master a skill continue to review it, but also expand on skills. For example, if your child is mastering their current list of sight words, be sure to add additional words and phrases to their skill set. If they are able to count all the spoons the family has when helping to empty the dishwasher, add a serving spoon or two and teach them to count a little higher. Build on skills one step at a time so they are successful, enjoy learning, and do not become frustrated.
4. Appreciate Small Steps – It can be very frustrating for parents and professionals when children learn slowly or take a step backwards. Try to remember some skills take awhile for children to acquire. Sometimes children need additional examples of the skill or a new approach for instruction. Recognize that children become frustrated as well and teach them to be persistent and patient.
5. Realise It Is Summer – When children have different educational programs,
therapies, and activities, it can be easy to forget summer break is also for elaxing. Although working on skills is important, be sure to enjoy the fun things summer has to offer. Enroll kids in swimming lessons, summer camp, tennis class, or just let them play outside. These kinds of activities are a way to stay healthy, learn new skills, and make new friends.

Choice is a big part of people’s lives. We decide daily what to wear, what to do, and how to treat people. Teaching children how to make good choices is critical for independence and self-control. This article focuses on a variety of strategies for teaching choice making.
1. Allow Children to Make Choices – Often it is easier to choose for children than allow them to decide for themselves. Unfortunately, lessons learned by making good and bad choices help children become responsible, independent adults. Choice also gives children a sense of ownership in activities. Take time to offer choices, create situations for choice, and reinforce the importance of good choices in your day.
2. Limit Choices – Keep the number and types of choices within reasonable limits. For example, if you let a child pick a snack, give them two or three healthy choices. By providing only allowable choices you reduce opportunities for conflict and create a situation where they succeed at making a good choice.
3. Discuss Options – When faced with decisions, think through and discuss the options to help children understand why one choice is better than another. Discuss possible choices, consequences, and why one option is better. For example, when leaving the house look outside and discuss the weather. Is it cold? Is
it raining? Which coat is the better choice? What happens if you pick the light cotton coat and it rains? By guiding children through choices you teach them how to make decisions for themselves.
4. Consider Other People – When decisions involve other people, discuss the implications of the choice for the other people. For example, if a child wants to use the swing for the duration of recess discuss:
Have other people asked to use the swing? Are other children waiting for the swing? How would you feel if you didn’t have a chance to use the swing? Are there other places you can play for part of recess? This helps children realize their choices affect people other than themselves.
6. Use Past Choices as Opportunities – When a child makes a bad choice such as cutting in line, saying something hurtful, or playing rather than finishing homework, use the opportunity to discuss why the choice was bad, consequences, and better choices for the future. Ask the child what other choices they could have made and what may have happened. Additionally, use past decisions and consequences as
reminders. For example, “Noah, remember how you played video games rather than clean your room yesterday and had to miss your favorite show and clean up? What do you think you should do today?”
7. Praise Good Choices – When children make good decisions let them know what they did and why it was a good choice. For example, “Jason, I like the way you moved over to make room for Ella on the bus. It was nice of you to share your seat. That was a very good choice.”
8. State When There Is No Choice – Some situations such as safety and schedules have no choices. Holding hands crossing the street, participating in fire drills, and leaving on time for school are examples of times when there is no choice. Explain why these situations do not have choices and why all people must follow certain rules and schedules. Let children know if there is an aspect of the event that is their choice. For example, “We have to leave now for the bus, but you can carry your blue or red book bag.”

Dear Colleagues
As you know, People First Education Ltd continue to support the campaign to find Madeleine McCann. The team at findmadeleine have recently launched a student initiative.
Please would you be kind enough to take a moment to check out the link by clicking the Students for Madeleine logo to your right, and forward it to anybody you may think is interested.

With very best wishes
The People First Education Team