Holiday excitement and routine changes can be very difficult for children. This article focuses on three challenging areas families face during the holidays: giving and receiving gifts, managing holiday excitement, and understanding schedule changes.
1. Gift Giving and Receiving – The excitement of getting gifts can be overwhelming for children. Help them understand polite giving and receiving of gifts with these strategies.
Involve Children in Giving – Let children help pick out and wrap gifts. By participating in the gift giving process, children become interested in seeing other people’s reaction to the gift. Even young children can choose between two gifts, put a bow or tape on the wrapping paper, and decide where the gift should go under the tree.
Practice Receiving – Role play receiving a gift and thanking someone for it. Make writing thank you cards part of your family routine so children understand how to thank people politely for presents.
2. Holiday Energy – Holiday events often mean sweet foods and late bedtimes. Use the strategies below to manage energy levels and make bedtime successful.
Keep Children Active – Sledding, walking, and playing games outside during the day can help children use their energy in a healthy and positive way. Keep children active during the day so they will be tired at night making bedtime easier.
Limit Sweets – Candy, cookies, and soda are prevalent during the holidays. These foods are high in sugar and caffeine. They cause children to be overly active and make falling asleep difficult. Set rules about how much and when these foods can be consumed and provide healthy alternatives.
Stay on a Sleep Schedule – Even when children are not in school, a consistent sleep schedule is important. Have children wake up and go to bed at a regular time. Plan morning events such as holiday shopping to motivate children to wake up and get ready for the day.
3. Holiday Schedule Changes – Many children benefit from consistent routines and have difficulty with change. Make holiday schedule changes less stressful with these simple tips.
Use Visuals – Have a holiday calendar that lists events in writing, drawing, or picture format depending on the child’s level. Refer to the calendar to prepare children for the day’s events and help them understand what is going on and when.
Involve Children – Let children add new events to the calendar. If there are important events the family must attend, explain why attending is important. If there are events that are debatable, include children’s input in decisions about attending the event.
1. Set expectations – Be sure to let kids know what to expect. Clearly tell kids, “We are going to the doctor. We will wait in the office and then Dr. Klein will see you. I will be with you if you are afraid or have any questions.” If you are doing more than one thing, let the child know, “We are going to the store, the post office, and then the park.”
2. Provide support for the child to be successful – Some children benefit from having information in writing or in a drawing format. Reading stories in advance that discuss what is going to happen can reduce anxiety. Images from stories including Success Stories provide a way for children to see what is expected of them. Use illustrations and/or words during an event to reassure children.
3. Involve kids in planning the day – Often children are told what to do and have little ownership in decisions. Letting kids make a few choices in an outing helps them feel they are a part of the process. For example, let the child pick which errand the family does first.
4. Praise kids for a job well done – As you go through the day, be sure to reinforce kids for listening, following directions, and being kind to others. This shows children they get more attention for following the rules and routines than for breaking them.
5. Update kids regarding schedule changes – Schedule changes are likely to happen on a regular basis. When changes occur, let kids know what the change is and how it will affect their plans. For example, “James, the library is not open. We will still go to Aunt Jen’s but we will go to the library tomorrow.”
6. Plan for delays – Rarely do things go exactly as planned. Prepare for basic concerns such as hunger, boredom, and delays by packing snacks and portable activities like games or books. Make sure to have a back up plan if restaurants or stores are busy.
7. Let kids be involved – Children are less likely to break rules if they are busy. When you are shopping have the kids help you locate groceries. If you are in the doctor’s office have the child help you fill out the forms by eliciting their responses to simple questions like name, address, etc.
8. Be consistent – If you create a reward system where the child earns something for doing X, Y, and Z or a promise is made for the child to get something after going to the store, be consistent. If you say, “You get to play your game when we get home if ….” be sure to reinforce them only if they actually accomplished their goal. When children are given mixed messages about rewards, the inconsistency can lead them to expect rewards when they have not met their end of the deal. Although it may be difficult at first, children will quickly learn you mean what you say if you hold your ground.
There are several different reasons as to why I finally came to the decision with my husband Gerry to write and publish a book. This decision has not been an easy one. Many factors needed to be given thorough and careful consideration, not least the impact of such a book on the lives of our three children. My reason for writing is simple; to give an account of the truth.
Publishing this book has been a very difficult decision and is one that we have taken after much deliberation and with a very heavy heart. However, in the last few months with the depletion of Madeleine’s Fund, it is a decision that has virtually been taken out of our hands.
Every penny we raise through its sales will be spent on our search for Madeleine. Nothing is more important to us than finding our little girl.
We are hopeful that this book may help the investigation to find Madeleine in other ways too. Our hope is that it may prompt those who have relevant information (knowingly or not) to come forward and share it with our team. Somebody holds that ‘key piece of the jigsaw’.
Bill Scott-Kerr, Publisher at Transworld, bought the book from the Christopher Little Literary Agency for publication in Spring 2011. All royalties will be donated directly to Madeleine’s Fund – Leaving No Stone Unturned Limited.
Bill said: ‘It is an enormous privilege to be publishing this book. We are so pleased to be joining Kate and Gerry McCann in the Find Madeleine campaign.”
The McCanns’ Literary Agents, Christopher Little and Neil Blair, said: “We are honoured to be part of this emotive project and to support the McCanns in their search for Madeleine.”
Thank you for your continued support.
Kate
When Kyle’s father got Xbox’s motion control system, he had no idea it would be a breakthrough for his boy
Four-year-old Kyle, who suffers from autism, found the gesture-based Kinect gaming system easier to use than those that require button-based controllers.
John Yan reviews games for a site called Gaming Nexus, so despite his initial lack of enthusiasm in the Xbox 360 Kinect motion controller, he knew he’d have to buy one when they came out. After all, it wouldn’t be fair to dump all the Kinect reviews on his fellow writer, Chuck.
So last weekend, John and his four-year-old son Kyle went to Target to pick one up. Kyle is autistic, and has had trouble with video games, but his dad says that he always wants to try, and to keep practicing despite the potential for frustration. The controller is a barrier for Kyle. It’s hard for him to master the complicated (and seemingly unrelated) button combinations required by traditional game consoles.
So when the Kinect was set up and the included title, Kinect Adventures, was loaded up, Kyle asked to give it a try. “What proceeded to happen was pretty amazing,” John wrote on his site.
Playing a ball game, Kyle “jumped around and flailed his arms and legs in trying to punch the balls back to the blocks.” When the game ended, John got an additional surprise: with just a little initial instruction, Kyle could navigate the game’s menus like it was second nature.
When I called John for an interview, he told me that Kyle didn’t have a severe case. “We’re fortunate that he expresses some emotions,” said John. But the family still faces challenges. “His issue is communication and comprehension. He didn’t start talking until very late.”
John tells me that he’s thrilled when he experiences any breakthrough with Kyle, such as when they’re riding in a car and Kyle explains the difference between two objects or concepts, or explains his motivations, why he does or doesn’t want to do something. “You really pay special attention to any small signs of progress,” John wrote.
So the breakthrough with the Kinect was particularly touching, especially after having tried with the Wii, with less successful results. “We tried a couple of games, especially racing games like Mario Kart, but he’d just get stuck,” John told me. “But with Kinect he just put up his hand and knew where to go.”
Children can feel stress at home or school and it can take a toll on them. Help children learn to reduce and cope with stress by using these strategies.
1. Identify Causes – If the cause of the stress isn’t easily identifiable, keep a journal and write down times when the child is anxious or upset to determine patterns. Are there sleepless nights before a math test? Do they look anxious before going on the playground? Use these patterns to pinpoint the activities and situations that may be stressful for the child.
2. Discuss or Write About the Situation – Once you identify what is causing the stress, discuss or help children write about why it is stressful. For example, if they are stressed before every math test, they may fear getting a bad grade or feeling helpless. Write a list of things they can do to be proactive and reduce stress. In this example, they can study more, ask the teacher if they have a question, or know they are trying their best. Developing proactive strategies is a way to feel more in control of the situation and reduce stress. Some situations will always be stressful, but often children think about the worst-case scenario rather than a realistic consequence. Children also may not realize other people also find the situation stressful. By discussing their feelings, the most likely outcome of the situation, and the fact that other people also experience stress, children’s fears and feelings of loneliness may be decreased. Additionally, the simple act of talking or writing about something stressful or scary can help children feel better.
3. Reduce Opportunities for Stress – Some stressful situations are avoidable. For example, if soccer practice is stressful for a child because they don’t enjoy the game and aren’t very good at it, find another activity that is a better fit with their interests and abilities.
4. Find Ways to Relieve Stress – People of all ages feel stress and learning to cope with it in a positive way is a lifelong lesson. When a situation is stressful, sometimes taking a break is helpful. Give children a place to go and collect their thoughts before returning to the group. Teach them to say, “I need a break,’ or ‘Please give me a minute.’ Use physical fitness as a way to channel energy in a positive manner. Taking a walk, running, jumping rope, or playing catch can help children release tension and stress. If a child can’t leave the setting, a stress ball is an easy to carry tool.
5. Prepare Children for New Situations – Often new situations are stressful for children. Read stories, write about, and discuss upcoming events to prepare children and set expectations. Encourage them to ask questions and let them know how a new event or change will affect them. Preparing for activities in advance can make the situation easier such as visiting a new school or sending a letter to the aunt and uncle they will visit.
Dear Friends and Supporters,
As I write, it is exactly three and a half years since our daughter Madeleine was so cruelly taken from us. Three and a half years without her seeing her brother, her sister, her Mummy, her Daddy or her best friends.
We are still searching for her. Our small team continues to review all available information, even though we STILL don’t have access to ALL of the information that the UK and Portuguese authorities have. Our team has interviewed hundreds of witnesses, received over 1000 calls, dealt with over 15,000 emails and maintained a computerised database of all information they have received. Despite the difficulties resulting from lack of official assistance, they ‘follow up’ all new leads to try and get fresh information into the investigation.
It is incredible to think that for the last two years and three months NO police force has proactively been doing anything to help us find Madeleine. Crucially, there has been NO formal review of the material held by the police authorities – which is routine practice in most countries, and especially when a key piece of the ‘jigsaw’ may have been overlooked.
We have tried in vain to get the authorities to play their part but our requests have seemingly fallen on deaf ears. It is simply not acceptable that they have, to all intents and purposes, given up on Madeleine. We need the authorities to do more.
However we know we are not alone. We have the tremendous support of family, friends and of course you the public. A lot of this support comes in the form of people saying to us ‘if there’s anything we can do, just let us know or ‘I’d like to help but I don’t know how’. To these people, and indeed yourself, my plea is simple:
We need your support to continue to lobby the British and Portuguese Governments to undertake a joint or independent review of Madeleine’s case.
How can you do this?
Simply visit: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/madeleinemccann_case_review/ and sign the petition to call on the UK and Portuguese authorities to conduct an independent and transparent review of all information in relation to the disappearance of Madeleine. And in turn, please spread the word and encourage as many others to do the same. Together we can, and will pull all of the loose ends of Madeleine’s case together and find her.
Thank you.
Looking for our daughter is not without significant cost.
Another way you can show your support is by continuing to help us fund the search for Madeleine.
To carry on searching for Madeleine and to ensure that the process has continued in a meaningful and proactive way, we have been able to utilise the generous donations paid in to Madeleine’s Fund by the general public, libel damages paid to ourselves and our friends and money raised through a variety of fund-raising efforts. The fund has allowed;
• Our investigation team of ex-police officers to operate and conduct enquiries in the UK, Portugal and further afield.
• A Portuguese assistant/translator.
• A 24 hour telephone line with translators to receive information from the public
• Media liaison in Portugal and the UK to ensure that we convey the simple factual messages: there is absolutely no evidence that Madeleine has been physically harmed; we must keep looking for her and those who took her.
• Awareness campaigns in Portugal, Spain and further afield.
• Website hosting and development and social network site campaigns to raise awareness through the internet
• A part-time campaign coordinator
As I write this letter, if Madeleine’s Fund remains as it is, with the current rate of expenditure, it will run out in Spring 2011. This would essentially mean that any kind of proactive search for Madeleine would cease. So again we need your help. If you can, please consider donating to Madeleine’s fund at www.findmadeleine.com
• £1 pays for the multi-lingual call centre availability for 1 hour
• £2 per month pays for 12 travel packs that are distributed to holidaymakers going all over the world
• £10 pays for 1000 posters that are translated and distributed across the world.
• £25 pays for the access to a 24 hour multi-lingual telephone service for 1 day
• £50 pays for the running costs of investigation office (and staff) for 2 hours
• £420 pays for 10,000 multi-lingual prayer cards for Madeleine, with photograph and contact details
Someone knows what has happened to Madeleine. We simply need to reach that person. We need to obtain that key piece of information, that ‘missing piece of the jigsaw’. One call may be all we need to find Madeleine and who took her.
Our little girl is now seven years old; innocent, vulnerable and waiting to be found. Please, please sign the petition and help us to find her.
Gerry McCann
Students, don’t forget, if you are going away this Christmas Madeleine McCann still needs your help. Click on the link bottom right of this blog to see how you can help in the search to find her.
Thank you
If your child has been diagnosed with ‘behavioural problems’ choose their secondary school carefully, warns Rebecca Harvey.
Exclusion from school is something every parent dreads. Hearing the words, “We would like you to remove your son at the end of this term”, was certainly one of the worst moments of my life.
Dan was starting his second year at an exclusive independent boys’ school and had behavioural problems. In fact, he had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) although this had not been formally diagnosed at the time. We knew all along that there was more to his behaviour than simply being “bad”. The school chose to ignore this. They were, in my opinion, prepared to let him destroy himself simply to protect their position in the league tables.
With the independent schools’ open-day season now under way, I would advise the parents of prospective pupils who fall into the same category as my son, or who have already been diagnosed with ADHD, to choose carefully. As we were to discover, the consequences of not doing so can be damaging for both the child and their family.
ADHD is a recognised medical condition affecting up to 5 per cent of all school-age children, with more boys affected than girls. Scientists believe that it is caused by an imbalance in brain neurotransmitters – chemicals that allow the cells of the central nervous system to communicate – and those afflicted find it hard to concentrate, stay still for long, or restrain their impulses. Recent research showing, for the first time, direct evidence of a genetic link, is helping to disprove assumptions that this condition is merely “naughtiness”.
Dan had sailed through his entrance exam and the interview, and arrived at the school in September 2007. We were proud and excited, thinking a big sporty school perfect for him. There had been some behavioural problems at his state-funded primary school – he could be over-boisterous and sometimes aggressive in the playground – but there was no question about his intellectual ability. He was also an exceptional athlete, and soon in the rugby first team at his new school.
His half-term reports were worrying, however. While some teachers clearly enjoyed teaching Dan, others complained about his behaviour. He would call out impulsively during lessons and fidget in class. His homework was often incomplete and messy. In spite of this, he did well in tests and had a wide group of friends.
He was difficult at home, too: he couldn’t settle to homework and had trouble getting to sleep. Yet there was no deliberate mischief in Dan’s activities; he often apologised for letting us down.
A few weeks into the start of Dan’s second year, we were called to a meeting with the deputy head, shortly after our son had been given a one-day suspension for fighting with another boy. I said that my husband and I were convinced that there were underlying reasons for his behaviour, and the deputy head promised to recommend an educational psychologist who could see Dan.
By now, we were wondering if ADHD could be causing Dan’s problems. I wrote a letter to the deputy head the following day, asking for details of the psychologist. A reply never came. When I tried to follow this up, the head of year suggested Dan should visit the school’s counsellor. We agreed to this, though he had tried this previously at the school’s request but it had not helped. We trusted the school, believed it wanted to help our son, and felt we should co-operate.
From this point, things spiralled quickly downward. Dan’s meetings with the school counsellor had no impact. He had twice been suspended for fighting, which officially meant that he was on his last chance. Over the next few weeks, there were increasingly frequent small incidents: detentions for missed homework and minor complaints about his behaviour. Dan himself withdrew and appeared frightened. We could not get through to him.
Looking back, I feel this large, highly regarded school was surely well equipped to tell the difference between children who maliciously disrupt school life, and those, like Dan, who cannot help themselves. But the school was not prepared to recognise ADHD, even though it qualifies for Special Educational Needs (SEN), which its terms and conditions promise to provide for. Instead, the school let Dan down – badly: a talented, exuberant child on arrival in school, had become an unhappy, failing student.
We were invited to another meeting in early December 2008. “It’s nothing to worry about,” the head of year reassured me over the phone. Two days later, as we sat in his office, the deputy head asked us to remove Dan at the end of term. “If he does one more thing, I will expel him,” he threatened.
We took him out two days later, not daring to leave him there a moment longer. On his last day, he played in a rugby match, scored a try and the team won. It was expulsion, by another name. The boys in his year group launched a “Save Dan” campaign on Facebook; Dan himself kept apologising to us.
As soon as he left, we sought medical help. Within weeks, Dan was formally diagnosed with ADHD by a consultant paediatrician at our local hospital, and examined by a neurologist.
Contrary to recent media opinion, a child does not easily qualify for this diagnosis. Dan’s personal and medical history was meticulously investigated, and detailed questionnaires on all aspects of his behaviour completed by us and three teachers from the school. He ranked high on the scale, with eight out of nine behaviours classic in ADHD. He was assigned a specialist ADHD nurse and prescribed the drug, Ritalin, to help his concentration and control impulsivity. He has also had a course of therapy with a psychologist from our local authority’s Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service.
The school dismissed our appeal against Dan’s removal in January 2009, even though, by that stage, we had a preliminary diagnosis. We tried local state schools for Dan, but the good ones were full. Private specialist schools, mostly for boarders, were too expensive.
For a long time, Dan’s self-esteem was low, his bubbling confidence gone. It was distressing to see a child you love in such despair; by now, he had lost months at school, as well as more than a stone-and-a-half in weight. He looked gaunt and sad: it broke my heart. Finally, in September 2009, Dan obtained a place at a private school, with smaller classes and an SEN department with full-time staff. The school was well aware of his condition.
Nearly two years after being excluded, Dan’s behaviour is not perfect but it has greatly improved. He gets on well with the staff, and has learnt to trust them. His teachers take simple steps to help him, checking his notes taken in class and keeping in touch with us by email. I feel Dan is finally getting the education he deserves.
Many parents choosing a private school are reluctant to burden their child with a diagnosis of ADHD because of the stigma attached, but if the condition is identified and treated early, a child can be helped to achieve his or her potential. In the state sector, ADHD is recognised although getting the right help can be a slow process. Private schools, however, which deny its existence do untold damage to vulnerable youngsters.
All names have been changed
Dressing up to go trick or treating is very exciting for children and it creates lasting memories for both children and parents. Help children prepare for trick or treating with these five strategies.
1. Select a Costume – Help children select a costume that fits properly and is safe. Children may be uncomfortable with anything on their face especially make up. Some children may not like masks because of sensory issues or limited vision. Keep these factors in mind when selecting an outfit. For children who have difficulties with masks, holding a mask rather than wearing it or not using one at all may make the evening more enjoyable.
2. Set Costume Guidelines – Children often want to wear their costume other times than trick or treating. Let them know if/when they can wear it besides trick or treating. Be sure to tell them this before they buy the costume and after it is purchased. Explain why they can wear the costume only at certain times. For example, “You can put it on in the evening for a few minutes to see how you look, but you can only wear it for a little while so it doesn’t get dirty before Halloween.”
3. Practice Going to People’s Doors – Role play going to someone’s door, saying “Trick or treat,” holding a bag out, and saying “Thank you.” Remind children to be polite, wait their turn, and take only one piece of candy when they are asked to
select something. It is tempting to rush to a door and take a handful of things when offered a basket or bowl to select from so multiple opportunities for review are important. Be sure to practice other things that may happen such as someone not
being home or someone complimenting them on their costume.
4. Establish Guidelines in Advance – Prepare children for factors such as: What time trick or treating starts and ends; How they know when it ends; Where they can trick or treat (e.g. only houses with lights on, only people the child knows, only homes in a four street radius, etc.); and What the rules are such as staying with a sibling or parent. Be sure to review these guidelines days in advance with a story, visual cards, or written rules. Before trick or treating, review them again so children clearly understand expectations.
5. Set sweet Guidelines– Children become very excited about getting sweets and other treats while trick or treating. Set rules in advance about eating candy. Let children know before trick or treating that they need to bring all of the sweets back for you to check before they can eat it. Make sure children have dinner before trick or treating so they are not hungry. Have guidelines about the number of pieces they can eat per day and create a schedule for when they can eat their sweets.
Display the sweet plan where they can easily look if they have questions.